Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
