I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Semen is not good for contacts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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