One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
