I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
