You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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