In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I still have a little drunk in my system
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
