Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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