Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
two words...techno handjob
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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