So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
