Say something about gay babies.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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