Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
