Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
