He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
