I'd wear matching sweaters with you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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