I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize