Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
