I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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