you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
