therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
