You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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