i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
