i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I am morally bankrupt
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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