All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
