my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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