I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
