Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
only if we run a train.
done.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
