I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
