hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
