Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize