I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
