i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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