So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
