apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
