my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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