she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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