tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
