I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
