Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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