Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
