Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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