i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
