I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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