dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
