I bet he comes in French.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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