Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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