Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
