I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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