They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
