so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we're so committed to being not committed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
