Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
