Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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