I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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