Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
