Will you blow on my dice?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
