me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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