Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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