She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
