UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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