I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
