I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize