i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
