I hate your face
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
