Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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