So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
