she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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