sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just invented taco cereal.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
