When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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