im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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