She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
third nipple confirmed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
