I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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