Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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