I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
