i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
