Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
