they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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