oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
