the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
