I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
