Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
