So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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